Naturally ….
Naturally ….
This week my mind has revisited the day Gareth was diagnosed … the day that life as we knew it was crushed, by cancer.
Last week would have been our wedding anniversary & a year since we held a celebration of his life… so, I’m embracing the thoughts, rolling with them & knowing they’re doing a little more healing, that invisible act.
My focus has been on death ….
On my drive from the hospital, with my mind in a frantic blur, attempting to make some sense out of the chaos, confusion & fear. I recall, tightening my grip of the steering wheel & saying out loud to myself … “Michelle, what are you dealing with here ? “ the response I gave was this …
Death, its death, Gareth is going to die, could be within days, weeks or at best a few months. How & when, we don’t know. Just that, cancer has arrived, it’s been lurking unknown to us & it’s won. Won what ? Mmm.
Ok, death .. this is a natural part of life, life ends, always. Two words jumped out at me … Death & Natural.
I then announced to myself …. “ Michelle, you now must do whatever you can, put your energies into making this process … this path to death .. as natural as it can be. In any way possible”
The focus became just that … do this naturally, the battle was to not let cancer win, to not allow it to screw us all up. Just, trust nature & naturally go with the flow.
Others looking in, helping, observing, supporting found this approach weird … we were not angry .. why ?
Because we are all dying, each of us. Nature is pretty, pretty awesome & pretty cruel! By embracing the situation, making the most from the weeks that followed, as a family we truly felt that we beat cancer & it taught us so many valuable lessons about life, love, and how to maybe live life with deeper appreciation of nature.
Cancer delivers courage along with many other side effects. The ripple caused by cancer is contagious, natural, aggressive & always results in a deeper understanding of something. A journey none of us want to be put on.
Appreciating life, nature & knowing which battles are worth the fight. Focusing on the courage to live rather than fight … x
Knowing that death is inevitable.
Michelle X
