Following these two … my two mini US … ❤

Following these two … my two mini US … ❤

I have their back.

I’ve been thinking about life ! Casting my mind over the time since their Dad was diagnosed … Aug 23 … Terminal diagnosis, with a predicted timeline of days to “you’ll be lucky if you get Christmas” . I can reflect on the enormity of what has happened to each of us in that time, feeling relieved I’ve made it to now, feeling OK & wondering just how ? How did I cope ? Am I coping? Are these two ok ? I know Gareth is ok … I knew on diagnosis day that I would only have to care for him for a short period. Our children, however… that was a different timeline … they were going to be my responsibility … if they were struggling, dealing with this event & its effects, the loss .. for the rest of their lives. Whilst I was here, I had to help in any way I could. Ultimately, I must show them the way .. provide some light … be the beacon. I think this was what scared me more than anything 😮… I’ve got to hold these two up, catch them when they fall, anticipate the wobbles …. Forever.

I was scared, scared for them & scared that I wouldn’t be able to be the strength they needed, to open my heart, show my vulnerability, allow them to see that whatever feelings were to arise, they were ok, we would be ok & Dad would be ok, the pain & suffering would end.

My fear turned into strength … my fear got me to this point, it stirred the courage within. I’m thinking that maybe this will not change, will I live in fear eternally … fearing the next stage of their life & then the next … fearing if I will do my best 🤔 . Ultimately, they lead the way … I watch, I’m there & the fear that ripples within, stirs the courage … to simply keep going & watch over these two …

I learnt months ago that these two have my back, are behind me & will catch me when I wobble, fall or falter.

Our mini US … are streets ahead, amazing & keep the strength we hold within, at the forefront of our minds.

Thank you kids XX

Michelle X